Day 10 - December 30 - foot fetish?

The blisters on my toes a couple of days ago were a good sign. It's supposed to mean that the blood is flowing there, that they're repairing themselves. But if your toes are dying, I imagine it feels something a little like this: take a rubber band and wrap it tightly around your finger (or toe). Leave it there for ten minutes and watch your finger (or toe) turn purple. You'll feel some tingling, some burning and then nothing. Now take off the rubber band cause you don't really want to kill it. That's what my toes feel like except I can't take the rubber band off, and I can't see my toes because my toes are covered in bandages.

The last couple of days I thought that the pain I was feeling was good, and I still hope it is. But tonight at dinner I realized that I couldn't really feel right#2 and left2,3,&4. I thought the dressings were too tight on the left but I don't think that now. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me.

I've also imagined that maybe they're infected now. Been trying sniff them out a bit, but they seem to still be smelling clean. Yesterday it felt like my toes were swimming in fluid. But they're not. Maybe new blisters have formed completely around the toes and I'm feeling that fluid. Gross but maybe this is good. Maybe they've formed new skin underneath (like my thumb and fingers (yes I frost bit my right hand a bit too) and the old skin is just shedding off. I imagined this the day before I had the dressings changed too and when I actually saw them, they were far far from this rosy scenario.

I've imagined what it would be like to be toeless. Can I still run? Beach volleyball might freak some people out. Yoga in socks? I think I could probably still ski. This might make getting a new girlfriend even harder! At what stage do I reveal this? "Uh I just have this thing, with my toes - I don't have any" or maybe she'll say "Honey, why do you always wear your socks to bed?". Kyle tells me I have to make sure she doesn't have a foot fetish... how many girls have foot fetishes? Wes says toelessness is cool... maybe chicks will dig me more without toes. I do have to admit it will be fun to give the grandkids nightmares: I can tell the story about how grandpa froze then cut off his toes and then, to their horror, I'll whip off my socks to reveal my freaky toe-nubs. There's always a bright side.

PS. I'm caught up now. I started this blog today and the posts up to this point have been written from memory. New posts shouldn't be any older than a day or two old... will try to keep it as real time as possible.